National Security and the South Park Conservative: The Milton-Bradley Paradox Plagues the Candidates

Monday, January 07, 2008 1:58 AM

Osama bin Laden with Cartman, and Hillary Clinton being informed she has a nuclear device inside her body on “South Park” (Comedy Central)
Why is it that the creators  of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey ParkerMatt Stone and Trey Parker, understand politics, national defense, and social problems better than a majority of our Presidential candidates? While I grant South Park is lewd, it’s also razor-edged satire of a the highest vibration.  It is spot on and generationally accurate.  I admit it- I watch it with glee.  

As for the candidates, I watch them too, and I feel ill.  I like Mike Huckabee’s aw shucks  charm, and Barack Obama has a very good stylist.  Mitt  Romney has better hair than John Edwards, and even Hillary Clinton proves makeovers are a good thing.  But really, do any of these people have any CLUE about keeping this country safe?  

Not one of them seems to know the geography of the Middle East, and they go on TV gaffe-happy. Each talking of basic aspects of  international politics with all of the eloquence of Britney Spears.  Hillary seems to confuse a flight into Kosovo with a trip to Costco in terms of danger, and doesn’t know the voting rules of Musharraf’s Pakistani election.  Also, Obama wants to bomb Pakistan if he finds any leadership sympathetic to Islamic extremists.  Does he realize using that criteria would force a bomb drop on much of the Middle East–so why start with an ally?  Please someone help Clinton, Obama, Huckabee, and even Romney with current events, the basic map, and historical facts of Pakistan and India at least? But really, could someone give Fred Thompson a quad-shot latte and ask him to put down the proverbial banjo?

The Milton-Bradley Paradox plagues us if we don’t get this group of buffoons away from the gaming table of spin and babble. Playing Risk and Stratego don’t count as experience with military strategies, and the G7 isn’t a called turn in Battleship

Tonight, I watched the Republicans and all I could say is that John McCain SPANKED the other candidates.  Now, if only McCain can get on South Park– he’ll win this thing.  Sadly, I think he’s a bit less conservative than we’d all like, but I do not think anyone else can win.  He said tonight that he can get Osama Bin Laden and that type of confidence resounds and reverberates with the country.

“Human Intelligence Capability”– it’s the little black dress of the next election my friends, and John McCain said it at the FOX debate. Think Illegal Immigration and run to the border if you will, but underlying even that hot tamale is the need to listen in, waterboard, and get cozy with potential enemy combatants.

So the true PARADOX-  Middle America loves Milton-Bradley games and thinks strategy is a succinct function of determining Good, Evil, and how to win.  Strategy is a great coach on game day, four quarters with referees who cannot see the play properly.  We instant replay it all and look for the offsides.  Who is directly telling America that security is the story?  Islamic Extremists are not going to back down but need time to rally and organize.  GOOD INTELLIGENCE and SPEEDY ATTACK ON THE OFFENSE are good game-plan practices.

John McCain is the only one with a convincing message of safety first.  He’ll slip on his sound bites of vigorous desire to protect us all.  He is in the shadow of Barry Goldwater who pushed strength on a scared country living in emotional bomb shelters.  The “Daisy Ad” played on those fears and squashed Goldwater the President.

Now we live with really scary times of the Global Jihadist looming at the door.  Yet, the average man is more angry than scared and ready to fight back.  We want the good fight but we want honesty: to be told how to win by a man who is in charge and confident.  

Can Cartman run for President?


  1. I have never watched South Park. When I hear they killed a little boy named Kenny on each episode, I decided it was not for me, but I get your point.

    When I was watching the Saturday rendition of what we are calling a debate, I carefully listened to both groups. About mid-Dems, I realized no one cares what any of them are really saying.

    The analysis is always how they said it not what they said. Did Huck seem “sincere enough”, did Mitt seem “too Stepfordish”, did McCain seem “old”, did Thompson seem “southern”. (My dad sounds just like him so I don’t get the irritation factor, sorry.)

    The thing that really struck me, during one of Obama’s really dramatic turns at the mic was,…America does not want someone who makes them feel safe and secure, they don’t care about taxes or education, immigration is a concern but most of all…they want to be inspired.

    After Carter we knew we need a savior; from taxes, the horrible economy, fears of a threat we had never known in the Middle East, and the ever present Cold War. We wanted someone who could make us feel good about who we were even if others didn’t believe it, we could. Someone who didn’t sound like they were selling us anything but rather they would invest in us, they would be our advocate in all things. Reagan inspired us to believe we could be safe, secure, prosperous, and proud…all at the same time.

    That is what America wants and needs. Whoever does that, no matter what their words really mean, will be our next President.

  2. Mr. Conservative says

    South Park? Matt Stone & Trey Parker? Is this some kind of a bad joke?

  3. So here is the funniest joke I have for y’all. I know it’s not the best, but I suck at jokes! What’s the main difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but not all of us can pea soup! lol

  4. Never watched South Park, but nice share.thanks

Speak Your Mind


judi online bonanza88 slot baccarat online slot idn live situs idn poker judi bola tangkas88 pragmatic play sbobet slot dana casino online idn pokerseri joker123 selot slot88