Mesa teen to be charged under federal Hate Crimes legislation

You may have read about the 14 year old Mesa residents who defended himself against an intruder armed with a screwdriver. Normally the case would be dismissed as simple self-defense but when the teen described the intruder as “a big Mexican guy” he apparently crossed the line. Upon hearing about the case President Bush immediately instructed Federal Prosecutor Johnny Sutton to charge the Arizona teen under federal hate crimes legislation. Normally in a case like this Sutton would only seek 8 years in federal prison but since the work Mexican was used Sutton will seek to double the sentence to a minimum 16 years. Sutton said given such blatant hatred and lack of compassion in a young person he will request that his sentence be served at the suppermax facility in Colorado.

Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas is reportedly considering resigning so he can represent the teenager. Early indications are that Thomas will argue that the teen was driven to describe the person’s race by the constant distortion of the illegal immigration issue by State Representative Russell Pearce. Thomas’ office is feverishly working on a color pamphlet on the proper terms to use when calling 911 after an adult breaks into your home. Sources tell us the booklet will recommend using the term “large un-invited guest with a tan” in place of the more incendiary term “big Mexican guy.”

The trial was set to begin on February 7th but that is the day that Sheriff Joe Arpaio will be presenting the teen with an award for remaining calm and collected until the criminal entered his room and defending himself only at the last minute. Sutton has agreed to delay the trial until the 8th but only if the teen accepts the award in full wrist and leg irons and is escorted by 5 federal marshals.

Activist Salvador Reza has already filed a brief in the case and will ask for a 20-year sentence. He is also planning a street protest in front of the teens house until “the family repatriates itself back to Europe” said Reza.


  1. Could you provide a link to the story where Sutton is pressing federal charges? This is little bit hard to beleive. If true it needs to get national attention.

  2. Ray,

    We are the link. We got the exclusive on this story due to our excellent sources.

  3. Yeah, Sorry not buying it…

    If it was an attempt at humor, you failed.

    If it’s true, gonna need more than your word…

  4. Ray you are right that it is not funny the way victims are treated as criminals and vise-versa. True or not the story does make a point.

  5. I don’t get it… Are you trying to make some sort of hay with this case and the guy who shot those two burglars in the back in Texas?

  6. This is a bunch of malarkey! Obviously satirical, either come clean or post this on the Arizona Report.

  7. Ann if it so obvious why do we need to come clean? Should I re-write the story so it is a little more over the top? Have we all lost our sense of satire?

  8. Hey, I’m on your side! Can it be more over the top?

  9. This belongs on the Arizona Report. Except their satire is also funny. A decent first try Jessie, so don’t give up, but its not for here.

  10. Adrian in Phoenix says

    I would say this article clearly meets this definition of Satire – “A manner of writing that mixes a critical attitude with wit and humor in an effort to improve mankind and human institutions. Ridicule, irony, exaggeration, and several other techniques are almost always present. The satirist may insert serious statements of value or desired behavior, but most often he relies on an implicit moral code, understood by his audience and paid lip service by them.” –

    Good job! I’m still grinning from JD’s repetitive use of the 911 call from this event.

  11. William Crum says

    Recall Sheriff Joe and Andrew Thomas

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