A(zgop) Christmas Story

Brought to you by the Arizona Republican Party

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the state house,

Democrats were complaining, continuing to grouse.

With the budget a bust, and no money to spare,

The Democrat solution? Never cut! Don’t despair!

“Blame Brewer, blame Republicans,” the Dems all agree,

“We have no answers or solutions!” They would decree.

Lujan and Sinema nestled snug in their beds,

With visions of stimulus flowing in from the feds.

Running out of options and all out of dough,

They seemingly just say – “nothing must go!”

As Republicans work into the night to close the gap,

It’s as if Democrats just woke from a long summers nap!

When out on the Capitol lawn there arose such a clatter,

The media sprang from its perch to see what’s the matter.

Away to the windows they flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But the state’s AG, and the ninth floor so near.

The perennial candidate so lively so quick,

His repeated defeats, so comic, so tragic.

More rapid than eagles his patrons they came,

He whistled, he shouted, and called them by name.

“Now Kyrsten, now David! Now Albert and Rebecca!

Now Chad! Now Phil, Martha and Anna!

Let’s hang them out to dry, let’s blame them for it all!

Next year’s an election, we must hinder and stall!”

“But what if the voters should find out our course?”

Said the group’s leader without an ounce of remorse.

“You shouldn’t be worried,” said the AG,

“The third times the charm, and you’ll surely see,

A special present for taxpayers around our great state.

Return to reckless spending, and a burdensome tax rate.”

And they heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“Good riddance to prudence, and thanks for your support,

You’ve set the state back for which there is no retort.

I’ll see you on the trail, for it’s still in my blood,

Even if year after year, they’ve found a me a dud.”


  1. The unknown author has a fanciful take on the history of this recent budget process. They surely believe in Santa Claus as well.

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