Tired of the usual methods for giving amnesty to illegal aliens?
Well Republican candidate for State House in LD20, Frank Schmuck, has some ideas we guarantee you’ve never heard before. Schmuck is not just pro-amnesty, he’s downright giddy about it, designing a plan that would send illegal aliens to a civics version of traffic school.
Schmuck’s website has this extraordinary plan in great detail. For those of you without the time or lung capacity to read it all (we’ll deal with Schmuck’s abuse of the comma later), here is a quick summary. First, Schumck opposes a border fence as ineffective and he feels that the problem can be solved by giving our Minutemen, the military and our border agents the authority to use “necessary force” to keep our borders secure. Essentially, a “bullets, not barbed wire” approach that some voters might actually support. Then his plan completely unravels because it turns out that Schmuck only wants to lock up those illegal aliens who have committed “multiple crimes”, presumably unrelated to their actual illegal presence in the country, their working illegally, any abuses of our welfare system, etc. For whatever reason, committing one crime is not sufficient reason to go to jail. Why? Because, as Schmuck explains, their crime is otherwise the equivalent of a “speeding ticket”.
This brings us to Frank Schmuck’s Driving School for Good Citizenry, or whatever it is he’ll be calling it. In a nutshell, Arizona would create “education training” for illegals, give them “an ultimatum to remain in this country” and hold a job for five years, pay taxes, get driver’s insurance, get their wages garnished by the State of Arizona, learn English, history and civics, and then Arizona would send a certificate to the Federal Government stating that the illegal has successfully completed immigration training in Arizona and is prepared to take the US Citizenship test.
There is more to this program as it provides jobs for young people where they teach the classes and earn money towards college tuition, etc. The plan veers off into a plug for a community service program that provides apprenticeship as emergency responders to young legal Arizona residents. But since that has nothing to do with the Border, illegal immigration, or securing our State, which is the section this entire post resides in, we’ll set it aside and focus on this incredibly um, unique plan?
This insanity must be fantastic news to Rep. John McComish, Jeff Dial and Andy Swann, who are now the only three viable Republican candidates remaining in this contest.
Finally, for candidates who want to impress voters with quality websites, spell and grammar checks are a must. The following is a single sentence, divided up by an impressive thirteen commas. Do not attempt to read this out loud if you suffer from asthma or are on oxygen for any medical condition:
“If Arizona were to create an education training for immigrants, by identifying and documenting the immigrant, then giving them an ultimatum to remain in this country they need to hold a job for five years while paying taxes to the State and US, they also be required to have driver’s insurance, while we, the State, garnish a portion of their wages to pay for a required weekly schooling in our schools taught by American citizens, possibly our youth, where they can learn English, learn our history and learn our civics, then maybe we can turn this State and nation around and continue to build it, once again, on the backs of immigrants who want to be here for a better life but, want to be an American and will have earned that right.”